In December 2006 Scott and I took our son (Zenzo) and my in-laws to Tanzania. As you may recall, beloved reader, I am originally from Zimbabwe (Zim). But with all the challenges that Zim is facing my family has slowly left, one member at a time. I now have no immediate family remaining there. And, when you consider that I have 6 siblings, it is quite a testament to the level of brain drain that is happening there. But I digress!

My oldest sister works for the United Nations in Arusha, Tanzania. She took my mother and our youngest sister in, and they have been living with her for the past 4 months. The purpose of our visit to Tanzania was to spend time with them. In fact, my brother, his fiancée and their daughter also came up from South Africa, so the trip became a family reunion.

I have much to reflect on from that visit. The food, the kindness of the people, their way of being – there was much that was impressive. But one thing I observed that stands out in my mind is the notion of “belonging”. Something interesting happens when a person looks like they belong, but in fact does not. I say that because being black allowed me to very quickly and very easily be accepted as a local. The fact that I speak very little kiSwahili, the language spoken there, became secondary. When the locals saw me they saw one of their own, and they treated me as such.

When I went into town, I was left alone. People would greet me politely, and I would greet them back. But other than that, I was free to wander the city at will with absolutely no problems (except for when I had to communicate at length with a local.) My husband and in-laws, on the other hand, had a different experience. You may have noticed that they are white. When people saw them they immediately saw “muzungu” (which I believe translates to “foreigner”, though many assume it means “white person”.) The treatment they received was different from mine, and try though they did they could not blend in and “go unnoticed”. Children begging in the streets would come running as soon as they saw them, and very persistently, too. Likewise, the vendors on the street would come rushing with their wares, hoping that the muzungus would buy something. I was left alone, largely ignored. It was assumed that as a “local” I would have little interest in buying anything from them. In fact, a couple of times I got the distinct impression that the vendors hoped that I would not hinder their potential sales. If I could not help them convince the muzungus I was with that their wares were worthy, would I mind stepping aside and not ruining it for them?! I marveled at that.

Scott is an amateur linguist. In the month we were there he learned more than 200 kiSwahili phrases, all of which he spoke with an uncannily authentic accent. But even though he spoke and understood so much more of the language than I did, he was still treated as a foreigner. And one, it was assumed, who did not speak a word of kiSwahili. I, on the other hand, would often have people holding one-sided conversations with me. I would turn to Scott, and between the 2 of us we often got the gist of what was being said... though I remember a couple of instances when we had absolutely no idea what they were saying whatsoever! But the resistance to the idea that he could speak kiSwahili better than I could remained. Even at the end when we left, some still assumed that I was his translator.

I have come to no conclusions about this concept of belonging. As I continue to learn more about myself, the world and what it means to belong, I am often surprised at how accepting we can be. And yet, conversely, how resistant we can be when others sound like us, but look different…

My cousin once pointed out something I hadn't noticed about Zimbabwean (Zim) society. He said in Zim a person can be promoted to family status. I chuckled at that, but am inclined to agree with him. In truth, a person can go from a stranger to family, it just takes some time.

I was reminded of this because my sister (Chipo) recently went back to Zim and returned full of news about how things are there. She was also kind enough to bring me some tea and music...no doubt fearing that she would never hear the end of it if she came back empty handed! I was explaining to a friend that I was going to visit this sister of mine, and the friend was surprised: as of last week she thought I only had 1 sister in the States (Nqo), why didn't I tell her that other family had arrived? I explained to her that this sister I was talking about is not my biological sister. In fact, she's not related to me at all. However, consistent with the Zim way, we are family because we come from the same place. Having that in common means we look out for each other, and basically treat each other as family.

I like that way of being. The idea of having 2 kinds of family (the ones we are born with and the ones we choose) is a rather neat one. It meant that when I 1st came to the States by myself I found myself surrounded by several "family" members. And if the price to pay for that is having to explain which brother or sister I'm talking about, that's okay with me!

It's a special thing, this concept of the fluid family! Oh, and this cousin of mine I mentioned at the beginning? We're not biologically related, either - his family lived in the same neighborhood as mine for many years, and they were eventually promoted to "cousin" status.

So Scott David had a birthday recently, and the family got together to get him a Wii. Who knew that actually finding one would be such a to-do! We searched high and low in the Portland area, but no luck. (Remind me, didn't this thing come out at the end of last year? So why is it still so hard to find?!) It practically took an act of God but we got him one, just in time for his birthday, too!

I'm actually enjoying the Wii. I had almost given up on trying to understand Scott's toys. Having been through the PS, the XBox, the XBox 360, etc. with him, I had decided that these gadgets were designed for men. And not just ordinary men: engineers! I found them rather clumsy, they weren't intuitive and it just took a lot of work for me to sort of "get it". So I had just about given up. But the Wii is a lot of fun, more so since it gets us moving.

But my reason for this post is to do a little reflection about something that happened to me. Scott had mentioned in passing that he would like more Wii remotes and nunchuks. I happened to be in Salem for a couple of days and I thought "what the heck, I'll look around and see if they have them". I went to a large retailer and of course they were out. But in my infinite wisdom I asked them to call their sister store to see if they had any there: I was in luck. So off I went to the sister store.

I am rather ashamed to admit that when I got to said store and found 2 older women (probably in their 70s) working in the electronics department I groaned silently. I seriously doubted that they would know what I was looking for. In truth I didn't know too much about it myself. I looked around the department, and there in the distance was a male sales assistant who looked to be in his late teens/early 20s. I was so tempted to go to him, even though he was helping someone else and I would have had to wait. To be fair to myself, it wasn't that I thought these ladies were incompetent or unkind - I just didn't think they were into Wiis. But I gave myself a stern talking to. After all, many people have been discriminated against because of their age. Did I want to contribute to that kind of humiliation of others? Am I not a better, kinder person that that? And what if they were the "with it" types, the ones who played the Wii every week-end with their grandkids? So, full of shame, I approached the counter:

Mo: "Hi, I called about some Wii remotes and nunchuks and was told they'd be put aside..."

Saleslady: "You called about some what?"

Mo: "Wii remotes and nunchuks"

Saleslady: "Oh. What are those? Are they related to that new gizmo that came out?"

I'm not going to bother blogging the rest of the conversation. It was painful, probably because it was the blind leading the blind. In the end we did have to find the young salesguy I had 1st contemplated going to. (And no, it wasn't at my insistence! The lady helping me graciously suggested that he'd probably know more about it.) He did, and I was out in minutes. 

I am still noodling on that experience.

So almost 5 months to the day since my last blog entry, I have returned. Did you miss me?

Well yes, it turns out quite a few of my (5!!) readers missed me. Nothing like a little validation to make a gal feel good:-) One of my friends teased "You've really embraced this being an American thing, haven't you? You've become a slacker like the rest of us!" Well, good news: I have returned!

There's lots to blog about, I've decided. And since this is a new year and all, I have returned full of enthusiasm and joie de vivre. After seriously considering dropping my blog I decided, instead, to keep it. I enjoy writing, and I've decided I miss it. No, no - there'll be no crazy commitments here! I'm not promising to do any more than I meant to do before: i.e. blog once a week. The only difference is that I've figured out how to incorporate it into my day. (What's her secret, you wonder? Easy - since we weaned Zenzo my husband Scott David has been putting him to bed, which frees me up for anywhere from 30 mins to an hour-and-a-half each evening.)

So there it is, I'm back! Watch out world, I'm back! Well okay, watch out you family members and friends that still check my blog...but I'm not bitter:-)

And hey, today is Scott David's birthday, so happy birthday to you, Scott David! (Don't even ask why I call him by his 1st and middle name - just accept it and move on:-) 

And on that merry note I say hasta next week:-)