# Friday, August 15, 2008
So okay, dear reader, we've danced this dance before: I start blogging, disappear for months on end, only to reappear full of new life. I blog a few more times, then disappear again. The cynics among you are no doubt thinking "here we go again!" For shame! Have you no faith? I'm back, really. For good! Oh fine, I'll admit that even I'm having a little trouble believing that:-)

So where have I been, you might wonder? Well, I disappeared in February 2007 because we became pregnant again. Being pregnant the 2nd time was exhausting! It was tiring the 1st time, too, I suppose, but I don't remember. All I know is that this time around, with a toddler in tow, I basically sleep-walked the entire 9 months. Blogging did not rank highly on my "to-do" list! So I have returned, unrepentant for being gone, but nevertheless glad to be back.

I would blog about our beautiful son Thabo's arrival, but hubby Scott already beat me to it by a mere 8 months! Check out Baby Thabo Arrives Note the part where he says he will always listen to me from now on...music to my ears, that! Suffice it to say that November 19, 2007 was a phenomenal day for us:-)

So yes, I'm back. Wiser, this time, and less hasty about making foolish promises. No daily blog updates from me, I tell you! But I am going to blog regularly -- and for those that read Scott's blog, I'm talking "regularly" by common-man standards, not super-geek ones:-)

I thought hard about what to blog about for this "je reviens" entry. There's lots to say about putting my career on hold while I enjoy time at home with my boys. There's the ever-interesting marriage and family dynamics. There's money. But ultimately, as a parent it had to be about the kids.

A few months ago Zenzo, now an old man at over 2-and-a-half, became ill. It started out fairly harmlessly, a little throwing up, an upset stomach. He goes to school 3 mornings a week, so he picks up all sorts of bugs there - joy. So we weren't unduly alarmed when he became sick. But then the illness progressed, and after 2 full days of keeping nothing down (not even a small sip of water) it became evident after talking to his pediatrician that it was time to head to the ER. Every parent knows the anxiety that goes with this trip. Should we have gone in earlier? What if it's spread and become incurable while we waited at home? What if he picks up other bugs while we're there? Will they keep us overnight? If they do, should one of us go back to be with the baby, or just let him keep sleeping at his aunt's? The questions are endless, as is the second-guessing.

We got to the ER and were seen fairly quickly, thank God. There's nothing worse than having to wait hours to be seen when you have a sick child! The chap on duty was pleasant enough, and seemed to know what he was about. He confirmed that Zenzo was dehydrated, and recommended that he be given an anti-nausea pill, and also be put on an IV. I cannot describe the dread that filled my heart when I heard that! My family is notorious for having hard-to-find veins, and after 2 days of drinking and eating almost nothing I could only imagine how tough it would be to find Z's. We promptly mentioned this to the Doc and the nurses, who of course told us it would be fine, they were trained at this, etc, etc. Scott and I looked at each other, but what could we do? You hate to be that parent that thinks you know better than the professionals, and yet in some instances, you really do.

There have not been many moments thus far as a parent that I have wanted to kill someone with my bare hands. I like to think of myself as a fairly educated, rational type. Reasonable people do not maim doctors and nurses who are trying to help their kids. But in the interest of full disclosure I must admit to having some troubling thoughts that day. Zenzo's screams could be heard miles away, and the wrenching "don't let them hurt me, mommy!" gave me nightmares for days. There I sat, trying to convince my son that they knew what they were doing (while secretly wanting to punch them for the pain they were causing him as they kept poking him unsuccessfully), and still I asked him to be brave. I'd heard parents talk of wanting to trade places with their kids, of wanting to be the ones subjected to the pain, not their kids...I got it that day. After failing - twice - to find his veins Scott finally called a halt. Everyone was apologetic, couldn't believe how hard his veins were to find, did we want them to bring in the specialist team so they could try his feet, etc...no, we were done.

I learned a lot that day about endurance. Trust. Faith. Humility. I am in awe of my son. Sobbing and screaming through it all, he would have stayed there because he trusted us. Mommy and daddy said the doc and nurses knew what they were doing, so even though it hurt he would have endured. I am in awe of Scott, too, who made the hard call and ended the misery. A tough night, for sure.

As you've probably guessed, Zenzo soon got over the bug, and the weight he had lost came back. For the longest time I couldn't even talk about this incident, that's how traumatized I was. And yet, interestingly enough, Z has not-unhappy memories of that night. Why? Because on the way out the doc gave him a popsicle. Which he promptly threw up 15 minutes later in the car, to be sure! But all he says about going to the hospital that night is that the doctor tried to poke him, but that was okay because he was sorry and gave him a popsicle. Oh, to be a child!

Friday, August 15, 2008 5:36:06 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
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